◊ Listening to Boredom (continued)

“We cannot become ourselves unless we know ourselves.”
~ Thomas Merton ~

First, there is the fear of self-exploration. The work meant by this hyphenated word goes by many names these days: inner work, the journey inward, individuation, selving, the work of self-intimacy, self-integration, spiritual formation, care of soul, or soul work to name just some. Becoming a man or woman of substance, maturing as psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually whole persons, does not happen automatically. Nor does it happen accidentally. Rabbi Heschel emphasizes the qualitative difference between human being and being human:

I am born a human being; what I have to acquire is being human. Whereas the former is a given, the latter is a vocation, a task, a responsibility, a privilege, and a destiny. Human being is a biological fact. Being human is an opportunity, possibility, and imperative that is always a trial, full of risk, precarious, . . . . an incalculable series of moments and acts.

We listen intently to our life because it is necessary if we have any hope of becoming ourselves, of becoming human and holy. The fundamental question is whether we are cooperating with God to insure that our humanity is coming into being or whether we are betraying it through ignorance, inattention, or cowardice. It is tragically evident that it is all too possible to be a homo sapien biped walking the earth while failing to become human in the fullest sense, neglecting to become who God created and yearns for us to be. For people of faith, becoming human is necessarily a cooperative venture. Like Heschel, Thomas Merton stresses that “our vocation is not simply to be, but to work together with God in the creation of our own life, our own identity, our own destiny” (NSC, 32-33)

Growing in wisdom and integrity, living lives of spiritual depth, requires that we awaken and pay attention to our interior lives which affect how we engage in the world around us and shape who we are and who we are becoming. Whatever we call this work, all the terms above refer to the intentional, necessary, and ongoing effort to listen and attend to one’s inner life which is required for legitimate self-understanding and authentic living. It involves paying attention to, learning from, accepting, and consciously integrating into our daily lives the amalgam of conflicting fears and hopes, deceptions and realizations, attachments and freedoms, dark secrets and secret dreams, insecurities and personal gifts, self-sabotaging behaviors and mature decisive actions, misfortunes and blessings (See Chapter 8: “The Virtue of Self-Intimacy” in Seasons of Strength: New Visions of Adult Christian Maturing, Evelyn Eaton Whitehead and James D. Whitehead).

On the one hand, avoiding these inner realities means almost inevitably living reactively. Pushed or pulled, steered or swayed by painful experiences, unresolved memories, inherited programs and messages, worries, fears, and wounds, people often shove these unsettling parts of our lives into the unconscious. Although out of sight and mind, they continue to be a real, powerful, and active influence in our lives. Predictably, the consequence of refusing or failing to do this inner work, this spiritual spelunking, is to live on the surface of life. It is to live a false life – one that compromises or violates the deepest truth that dwells within us like a diamond in the cave of our being waiting to be brought into the light.

On the other hand, becoming aware of these subterranean influences and dealing honestly with them enhances our chances of living responsively, not to mention responsibly. This involves facing, relinquishing, integrating, healing from, and offering these once concealed and powerful inner forces. The result is the “full, conscious, and active” movement toward genuine human aliveness. The difference between reactivity and responsiveness is rooted in the mindfulness that comes from a listening heart. In the movement toward psychological, emotional, and spiritual well-being, reactivity is typically impulsive, reckless, and lacks awareness. Responsiveness is deliberate, wholehearted, and fully conscious. To respond means to promise in return, whether that responsiveness comes to life in the promise to align oneself to one’s deepest calling and soul gift, to relate honestly and reverently to another person or place, to live in communion and care with the natural world, or to offer back to God one’s humanity and uniquely evolving identity so generously entrusted to us.

REFLECTION:

It is good to remember that becoming ourselves is a lifelong task. What is one thing I can do today to live more authentically the peculiar treasure that I am?