” *$#@*%^ the Damn Wipers, Will Ya?!”

A highway patrolman walked up to the front window on the passenger side of a car he had pulled over to the side of the freeway. It was raining hard so the officer was wearing his clear PVC rain gear including the clear covering over the recognizable campaign style hat. Water dripped from the brim of his hat as he bent down toward the window.

After seeing the flashing lights in his rear view mirror, then pulling over close to the guard rail, and coming to a complete stop, the driver turned his car off. Now he turned his key forward one click so he could roll down the right front window. He leaned across the seat toward the officer.

“May I see your license, please?” said the officer leaning down toward the window.

“Did I do something wrong, officer?” asked the driver as he handed the patrolman his license. “I was only a few miles over the speed limit, wasn’t I.”

“Just checking to see if your license lists any restrictions on your licensing due to a physical or mental condition that would explain what I saw.” said the officer loudly.

“What’s that?” said the driver?

“Nothing, never mind,” said the patrolman, handing the license back to the man. The officer stepped back and bent down so he could get a better look at the driver. “Sir, are your windshield wipers broken?” he half-yelled.

“You can’t write me up for that,” said the man reactively. “because they’re not broken. They work.”

“Well, then, is there a reason why you were not using your windshield wipers?” the officer asked, his voice still raised to compete with the noise of the rain and the onrushing traffic. “I know you’re all nice and cozy in there, but in case you haven’t noticed, it’s getting dark and we’re in the middle a torrential downpour.”

“Officer, it’s my right not to use my wipers when its raining. It’s my right not to be able to see. Is that why you stopped me?”

“Well, it may be your right not to use wipers in a rain storm, but it is your responsibility to use them during one,” said the officer, rain pattering like pellets off his rain gear. “If the freeway was closed to all other drivers but you, I could care less whether or not you want to endanger yourself by not using your wipers in a downpour. But you’re not the only person on the freeway, in case you didn’t notice, and you’re endangering other drivers.”

“Just because people say to do something, doesn’t mean I have to. Those Public Safety groups are all leftist, you know like Mothers Against Drunk Driving, Triple A, Citizens for Reliable Safe Highways, and all the rest of them.” Rain was blowing into the front seat of his car.

“I don’t suppose it would surprise you, sir, if I told you statistics show that car accidents and automobile fatalities actually increase precipitously when it’s raining out and a driver is not using their windshield wipers? Fancy that, huh? I can’t believe we’re debating this,” yelled the dripping wet patrolman.

“That’s a bunch of hooey, officer. I don’t believe anything that’s in those Public Health and Safety Journals. They’re put out by a bunch of liberal loonies,” he yelled back.

The officer stood up, backed away a bit so the driver could see his face. “You have a good night, sir. Get home safely. And do me a favor. Look up the word commonweal when you get home, okay? And please—use your wipers! Before you hurt or kill somebody.” He turned and started for his patrol car.

“What?” the driver shouted indignantly.

The officer stopped by the back wheel and yelled, “WEAR the damn wipers, will ya?”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *