NOTE: This week I am featuring quotes from the late English Anglican priest and theologian Kenneth Leech and, like today, offering a comment.

A test of our spirituality must be whether it makes us
more aware of the realities of the world,
and therefore ready to respond to them, or not.
~ Kenneth Leech

There is, in fact, in prayer an essential element of struggle, of radical questioning, of discontent, of striving. In prayer we seek to see more clearly, and such clarified vision must bring with it a dimension of pain and anguish. In prayer we seek to see more clearly, and such clarified vision must bring with it the dimension of pain and anguish. In prayer we seek to understand more truly the workings of God’s spirit, and such a quest must involve a dimension of questioning and of creative doubt. Prayer then is not quietism, but a yearning and a striving for the Kingdom in the freedom of the Spirit. . . .

Only such a spirituality of questioning and of enhanced vision can survive the Marxist critique of religion as an opiate. Thus a test of our spirituality must be whether it makes us more aware of the realities of the world, and therefore ready to respond to them, or not.

Linked with the view of prayer and the spiritual life as essentially analgesic and peace-inducing, is the assumption that in pastoral care and spiritual direction our primary concern is with the reduction of conflict and tension. This view is based on two false assumptions: that it is possible, and that it is desirable. In fact, the nature of the pastoral relationship is one which does not allow us to escape from inner struggle, but rather intensifies it.1

♦     ♦     ♦

COMMENT: There is often an unspoken collusion between pastors, spiritual guides and those to and with whom they minister. That seeming but not-so-secret agreement is that because they are in ministries that require and involve care and compassion, they will help people answer their deepest, burdensome questions, ease their greatest struggles, and relieve them of their anguish. In reality, what they do not need is a quick fix, advice, the stock answer from Gideons Bible, to be rescued, or told God never gives us more than we can handle. What they do not need from us is helping them to escape from their inner struggle.2 For example, anyone who knows and cares about someone in the deep woes and throes of an addiction knows the temptation to cave to their continued antics and pleas and suction which will only pull us in as enablers and accomplices. If we collude, it only perpetuates their addiction and postpones their confronting its source(s) and dealing with it in an appropriate and enduring way. This applies to all of us who throughout our lives play the role of the significant other when someone is suffering in some way.

What they need is the sincere, attentive, compassionate presence of the other, whether the other is a chaplain or a spiritual director or mother or brother or friend. What they need is someone to be with them in their confusion or brokenness or agony. Just be with them. Each Advent I remind people that salvation comes not by rescue or a divine wand waved over our heads or the dethronement of Roman rule by the almighty God, but rather by the embodied presence of an other — Emmanuel, God-with-us, in loving solidarity. Jesus is the compassionate withness of God. Given that we are made in God’s image, do we think we can or should do more when someone we know and love or someone we don’t know at all comes to us in great struggle or pain? Often ministers or spiritual companions make the mistake of becoming helpers (out of their own unconscious anxiety or need to avoid) and in so doing deprive the other of their experience however difficult or excruciating it may be. Of course, this is counter-intuitive. But to deprive a person (even if it’s our son or wife or best friend) of his or her struggle or hardship or heartache or suffering is just as great an act of thievery as is depriving them of delight or joy or deep satisfaction at an accomplishment or love. The key is not to deprive them of our deep sympathy, our caring presence, our withness. ~ DJM

1 Kenneth Leech, Spirituality and Pastoral Care, p. 34-35
2 Note well! The exception, of course, is if their life is in danger—for example, in a case of domestic violence, or if they are a lethal threat to themselves. But Leech (and I ) are talking about inner struggle, conflict, or suffering.

ARTWORK: Lee Lawson, Song of Night. Used with the artist’s permission. Find Lee’s work here.

♣ GOODPEOPLE ♣ ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SPIRITUAL DIRECTION ONLINE? Would you benefit from having a trustworthy companion to listen with you to your hopes, struggles, yearnings, burning questions? Someone who will hold space for you and pay attention with you to your quiet desire to cultivate a life of spiritual depth and meaning, as well as to deepen your connection to the One from whom all wonder, joy, and blessings flow? I am offering spiritual direction online. If you, or someone you know, are interested in beginning or returning to spiritual guidance CLICK HERE where you will find both practical information and explanations of spiritual direction. I’d be honored to hear and hold your unfolding story.