SPIRITUAL DIRECTION

~ SOUL FRIENDSHIP ~

A person without a soul friend is like a body without a head.
— Gaelic saying often ascribed to St. Brigid

WHAT IS SPIRITUAL DIRECTION?

Spiritual direction is a relationship in which one person listens to another as that other strives to pay attention and respond fully to the presence and promptings of God in the everyday circumstances of his or her life. The purpose of spiritual direction is to support and encourage others toward full human living as living is understood from the wisdom of one’s spiritual path and the perspective of faith. Befitting fruits would be an honest and gracious acceptance of oneself, a greater sense of meaning and purpose in life, compassion toward others, reverence and care for the earth, and greater intimacy and love of God.

Spiritual direction decreases the chance that persons will sleepwalk through their lives and instead encourages them to actualize the “quiet imminence of their being” for their own good, the good of others, and the good of all the earth..

An ancient tradition, spiritual direction goes by various names: care of souls (cura animarum), spiritual guidance, soul-friending, or spiritual companioning to name some but not all.  The terms soul and spiritual here are not meant to suggest that spiritual direction is reserved for some fictitious religious elite. Rather they point to the inviolable and intimate connection between the human and the divine that is at the heart of everyone’s life. In addition, they signal that however natural and ordinary the conversation may appear to be in spiritual direction, directees are trying in their own unique way to listen for, give voice to, and respond wholeheartedly to that which is deepest, truest, and most sacred within them and all creation.

I espouse and practice a holistic approach to spiritual guidance. Because the spiritual life is not a special addendum to our everyday life but rather that which animates, informs, sustains, and gives it meaning and purpose, spiritual direction cultivates awareness of the presence of God in the realities of daily living. This means a given conversation, at the initiative of the directee, might touch on any number of issues (such as self-understanding, relationships, work, loss and grief, sexuality, money, discernment, prayer, or life direction) as they relate to the directee’s relationship with God and to ongoing growth and transformation. There is no wheelhouse where God is not present or welcoming.

WHAT SPIRITUAL DIRECTION IS NOT

Spiritual direction is not a private tutorial on the spiritual life. The spiritual guide is not a guru, not an instructor or a dispenser of information or someone who tells people what to do, but rather a reverent listener, a faithful companion, and someone who calls forth and affirms that which is truest in the directee.

Spiritual direction is not therapy. Unlike much counseling, spiritual direction is not issue or crisis driven but life-drawn and Spirit-wooed. Each day summons us to that which is truly sustaining, meaningful, and fulfilling.

Spiritual direction is not about offering advice, whether relational, legal, financial, or spiritual.

Nor does it involve rescuing, fixing, or curing individuals. Instead it helps persons to cultivate a spiritual life that equips and encourages them to face into the daily realities of life where God is present and faith is lived.

Spiritual direction is not about condemning a person’s past or present behavior but involves honest discernment while supporting him or her in moving toward a life that is marked by self-awareness, authenticity, maturity, and wholeness.

A MINISTRY OF ACCOMPANIMENT

The operative metaphor to describe my ministry of spiritual guidance is accompaniment. As stated above, the spiritual director is not a religious expert who tells, fixes, cures, advises, judges, or rescues the directee.

I see my role and responsibility primarily as a companion on the sacred journey of life. This companionship is made apparent by simple attentive presence, reverent and compassionate listening, open-ended and provocative questions, ongoing encouragement and loving challenge, and confirming that which is deepest in the directee. It is my intention to hold space for the other so that s/he can dare to be broken open to the depth of life and the incomprehensible gift of living. In this way I hope to acknowledge and call forth the unique mystery that is each person, to offer continuing support, and to accompany the directee in the process of discerning the right movement or “direction” at given points in his or her life and the call to ongoing transformation.

The spiritual guide is a co-listener and a co-discerner. One who supports and encourages the directee to listen deeply, actively engage in, and fully tend to the mystery and meaning of his or her own life and to live this utterly unique life as a conscious response to a divine summons. Ideally, spiritual guidance in service to authentic spirituality nurtures and supports listening and responding not only to that which is most immediate, agonizing, or enlivening in us but also to that which is most vulnerable, broken, and in need of attention and care around us and in the world. Soul fulfillment and service go hand in hand.

Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery that it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments and life itself is grace.
–Frederick Buechner

A GUIDING CONVICTION

One governing premise and guiding conviction of my work as a spiritual guide is that every person’s Story is sacred. Although we are more than our biographies, the stories we tell and the act of telling them are intimate disclosures and heartfelt attempts to articulate who we are and who we are in the process of becoming.

Every sincere storyteller deserves an attentive, caring listener who reverently receives and hears that story. It is fair to say that a story doesn’t fully become a story or come to fruition until and unless it is reverently received by another. Nor does a person fully become a person without inter-acting with others. No one becomes human and holy alone.

Because it is the unfolding mystery of oneself and not “just a story” that a directee shows and tells the director, spiritual direction is a sacred relationship. All conversations are held in confidence. The director is the privileged partner and responsive companion of the directee. This deep, reverent, confidential listening is what sets the table, makes the shared-speech a holy communion, and supports persons in being fully alive.

WE STRENGTHEN LIFE any time that we listen generously or encourage someone to find meaning, or wonder about possibility, or dream or hope or escape from self-judgment and inner criticism, or know that they matter. Anytime we share someone’s joy, we bless the life in them.
— Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D.

© Daniel J. Miller, 2012. All Rights Reserved.